My journey to continually becoming the woman, mother and wife God has ordained me to be through Proverbs 31:10-30, the wisdom of married couples and everything else life brings.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Fights are like mice: A personal blog.
My husband, Mark, and I recently had one of our "petty" fights. It wasn't at all about money, school, work, future kids - nothing of the sort. It wasn't even a BIG issue. In fact, it was simply a disagreement on how we both reacted in WalMart last night, of all places and things. In FACT, had I not let it get to me....I wouldn't be here right now typing. Ha! Now let me remind you - Mark tends to be more logical, organized and smart. I tend to be, naturally, emotional, dramatic, stubborn and without all sense of logic in my worst stages. This can create an interesting scene now and then. Anyways, with that being said, I did NOT not go to bed angry. Instead, I allowed myself to feel ignored, embarrassed and irritated while, of course, sulking (mind you, I am 21, not 12.).
This morning was awkward. Least, for me. Because I hadn't confronted Mark with kindness, wisdom and respect (vs. 26) last night (and I had an hour long trip from Sioux Falls, SD, to do it!) and allowed it all to settle throughout all my sleep stages, I woke up deshoveled. This was my first no-no. A wife must always confront her husband with respect. We women tend to easily be spiteful whether in mood or word and we don't have to even act mean to do it! We are quite manipulative beings with the gift of seeing all those little details that some men might miss but sometimes all those little things overwhelm us and we pop. I popped.
Church was wonderful and so was the fellowship. But remember! I had a bone to pick with my husband and I wasn't going to let THAT go (*yikes*)! So, after walking home with other college students, laughing and (genuinely) enjoying my time, Mark and I departed to our apartment and there lies where my second no-no struck. Immediately after I opened the door and put down my purse, I let it out. I pounced on him about the night before like it had just happened two minutes ago. A wife must never address her husband in a bullet-point list of his, what she assumes to be, shortcomings...especially in an emotional ambush. In just a few seconds our voices raised slightly and we went nowhere. I was more concerned about proving myself than working out a problem and I did him no good service of supporting him in love and respect by doing so (vs. 12) which, gave way to a quiet and awkward afternoon.
Well, I'd had it. I was tired enough as it was from last night's late time in South Dakota and as much as emotions were running high on top of that - I decided to lie down on the couch. It wasn't but three minutes after that I saw a small dark shadow run across the floor. Instantly, as if the Lord Himself had been sitting right next to me, my mind shot a thought loud and clear: There's going to be a lesson here.
Within seconds, it appeared again and this time I knew for sure that it was a mouse. I let out a wail, Mark entered the room and for the next few minutes we moved boxes and our couch to find the rodent, working together as a team to solve the issue. Finally, the little thing was captured, taken care of, and Mark and I came back into our small apartment quietly. I see what you're doing here, Lord. I get it. I know what I need to do, I thought like a child who had been scolded at school, sent to apologize to a classmate. I walked over to my husband (who was smiling as if God had spoken to him as well) with open arms and tears, and we exchanged apologies and ideas on how to better settle both the original situation and the reactions following that caused the chaos.
Most fights are like mice. Now, Mark and I have only been married for just over three weeks, but we have been together long enough before that to know what it's like to bicker. Most fights are like mice because they are small, silly things that really do no harm but irritate and disrupt peace. Ever tried to catch a mouse on your own? It's not easy. Left to yourself, tactics can fail and when that happens, you've no other support. But working together in love and respect in accordance with God as your center can do nothing BUT sort out all the tangles. Sure, I'll find something else to whine and sulk about and he'll find something else to get irritated with, but left to ourselves we will solve nothing. We are a team. We no longer are individuals with all the right answers. We answer to God together and in Him alone can we overcome all things........including hunts for mice.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
The purpose, the beginning.
On August 3, 2012, I married a young man named Mark. Now, I could spend hours writing a book on how beautiful his heart is and how strong his desire to serve our Lord is, but I think you will better appreciate all of that through the words on this site, entry by entry. For this reason amongst others, I would like to explain the purpose of this blog.
It was the morning of my wedding and like all brides - I was rushing through prep work. Spraying all sorts of products into my hair to allow a flat iron to burn it straight and stink up a room was just the beginning. Sitting on the floor in front of my closet mirrors, I stared at myself. Spray, press. Spray, press. Little by little my hair was becoming straighter and all I could think of was what I was going to do next to "make myself look beautiful today." It was during this thought of all the work yet before me when my now sister-in-law, Lauren, a God-honoring woman, entered the room. The other bridesmaids were somewhere else in the house and for a short while we were alone.
"Now that we're alone together, I would like to take a moment to read with you...." and before I could pull my flat iron to another section of hair, she sat herself down opening the Word of God to Proverbs 31 and from that moment on, the last bit of my heart that needed to evolve began it's journey.
When she finished, after speaking to me a few kind words, her eyes began to rain softly as she tried to cover her face with her beautiful, shiny blond hair. I'd never seen her show this kind of emotion and it brought me to a beautiful and loud pause; a collision of realities. Part of me thought I had it all together - I was going to be Mark's wife soon. We did the marriage counseling, we dated, we got to know each other and now it was going to be solidified by God and the state of California. But while I knew that marriage takes works, truly becoming a wife was not by speaking vows and signing papers. God had laid out in His Word what is truly meant to be a wife, a virtuous woman sought by Him for his people, and that was a journey that did not end with "I do."
"Thank you, Lauren," I said as I looked over to her reflection in the mirror, watching this God-ordained moment unfold before me as if I was watching a film. She stood up with her strong cross-country legs and through the toss of her hair and the shifting of her eyes to the doorway, she softly said, " I love you" and with that, my soon-to-be sister left me, alone, to ponder what the Lord was trying to teach me in these last few hours as "a single woman."
If you will, please join me in the days, months, years of writing as I learn what it really means to become the wife of Mark, my husband, following as best God grants me, this layout in scripture. If you aren't married, perhaps the Lord could use this blog as a way to help prepare you for when He, if He wills is, brings His match into your life. If you are married, may God bless the wisdom He has already bestowed upon you through experience (probably more than I've yet had) and if it is His will, might He utilize these words as encouragement when you need it or however else He desires.
Friends, please join me in my journey to Becoming His Wife.
It was the morning of my wedding and like all brides - I was rushing through prep work. Spraying all sorts of products into my hair to allow a flat iron to burn it straight and stink up a room was just the beginning. Sitting on the floor in front of my closet mirrors, I stared at myself. Spray, press. Spray, press. Little by little my hair was becoming straighter and all I could think of was what I was going to do next to "make myself look beautiful today." It was during this thought of all the work yet before me when my now sister-in-law, Lauren, a God-honoring woman, entered the room. The other bridesmaids were somewhere else in the house and for a short while we were alone.
"Now that we're alone together, I would like to take a moment to read with you...." and before I could pull my flat iron to another section of hair, she sat herself down opening the Word of God to Proverbs 31 and from that moment on, the last bit of my heart that needed to evolve began it's journey.
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
When she finished, after speaking to me a few kind words, her eyes began to rain softly as she tried to cover her face with her beautiful, shiny blond hair. I'd never seen her show this kind of emotion and it brought me to a beautiful and loud pause; a collision of realities. Part of me thought I had it all together - I was going to be Mark's wife soon. We did the marriage counseling, we dated, we got to know each other and now it was going to be solidified by God and the state of California. But while I knew that marriage takes works, truly becoming a wife was not by speaking vows and signing papers. God had laid out in His Word what is truly meant to be a wife, a virtuous woman sought by Him for his people, and that was a journey that did not end with "I do."
"Thank you, Lauren," I said as I looked over to her reflection in the mirror, watching this God-ordained moment unfold before me as if I was watching a film. She stood up with her strong cross-country legs and through the toss of her hair and the shifting of her eyes to the doorway, she softly said, " I love you" and with that, my soon-to-be sister left me, alone, to ponder what the Lord was trying to teach me in these last few hours as "a single woman."
If you will, please join me in the days, months, years of writing as I learn what it really means to become the wife of Mark, my husband, following as best God grants me, this layout in scripture. If you aren't married, perhaps the Lord could use this blog as a way to help prepare you for when He, if He wills is, brings His match into your life. If you are married, may God bless the wisdom He has already bestowed upon you through experience (probably more than I've yet had) and if it is His will, might He utilize these words as encouragement when you need it or however else He desires.
Friends, please join me in my journey to Becoming His Wife.
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