All the single ladies!

To all the single ladies desiring a Godly man.

Disclaimer: If you are desiring a man to make yourself feel better or because you are alone, that is the exact opposite of what you need and will only lead to failure. At the end of the day, it's important to desire to be his helper, his encourager and his friend. He isn't supposed to be your pleasure puppy. Remember…

“ A woman’s heart should be so lost in God (first!), that a man must seek Him to find her.”

While I have been starting and restarting over and over a blog entry directed towards YOU gals, it always seems to fail me. It doesn’t seem to touch my heart the way I would have wanted it to if I were to have written to myself the same blog when I was single. So for now, I just want to say this: If you are single “and ready to mingle” with the hope of finding a husband in the end, don’t stress yourself out. Some women go through a lot of “bad eggs” before God brings the right one into their life. Sometimes, it’s the first guy you date.

 For Mark, I was his first girlfriend which makes me feel extremely special. He learned a lot and sometimes I felt like the guinea pig, but it’s such a blessing to know I was and will always be the only girl he ever loved. My story is different though as he wasn’t my first boyfriend (but the only man I ever truly loved, thanks be to God!). And while in a way, I wish our stories to be the same, mine comes with a unique twist. My husband is a very unique young man; he is extremely special. He has the biggest heart I have ever seen and had I not gone through the hardships (and I mean hard!) that I had pre-Mark (in all relationships with men both dating-wise and outside that realm), I wouldn’t respect him or appreciate him the way I do today, which will grow tomorrow and so on. There was beauty in the pain I thought would destroy me years ago when I thought “I’ll never get married. No one will love me. I’m not good enough.” Blah, blah, blah. So, for now, ma’ single sista’s, I leave you with these questions to ask yourself, along with some homework.

·         What can I do now to better equip myself as a help meet for my future husband? ( check out Proverbs 31:10-31)

o   Write a list! Examine yourself. Take it seriously and work at making that list a reality.

·         What are the traits of a Godly husband that I desire? ( check out 1 Peter 3:8-17)

o   Write a list! State the obvious (Man of strong faith, kind, patient, responsible, pure, etc.) and the not-so-obvious traits (good cook, likes watching movies, fashionable, likes to travel, etc.) you would like which makes you a distinct woman with your own likes and dislikes. Remember that over time this list is subject to change (I married a blond man when I always dreamed of brown hair) and feel free to explain in detail to yourself some of those traits!

·         I’ve made my share of mistakes with guys in the past. What can I learn from them? How can I prevent those same mistakes with the next man in my life?(check out my favorite passage, found during testing times, 1 Peter 5:8-11)

o   Ask the Lord for forgiveness and write a plan of attack if and when sin tries to enter into your next relationship and present it before yourself and significant other when the time is right. That might be as soon as you decided to date each other or that might be when you start to become more physically comfortable. Be honest! Set rules. Create boundaries.

·         I’m single right now and while I might wish otherwise, I have more “free time” to myself so why not pick up a new hobby; why not find something positive to do! What is something I’ve always wanted to learn? Where have I always wanted to go? (check out Ecclesiastes 11:9)

o   Do it! Follow through! If anything, you learn a few new things and get your mind off of yourself.Find something positive to focus on that you might uplift your life and grow in the Lord, full of rejoicing and happiness.

·         Dating is practice for marriage and in marriage, a wife is to submit to her husband in love. Since I don’t have a husband yet or a boyfriend to practice this trait with, how is my relationship with my earthly father in practice of authority and most importantly, with my heavenly Father? Am I submitting to either’s guidance? How do I generally respect the men in my life? (check out Ephesians 5:21)

o   How you treat, respond to and respect your father, brother and even close male friends all taps in to how you will treat your husband after the “bubblies,” “butterflies,” and “gigglies” wear off and you’re both used to each other. Spend this time as great practice for equipping yourself as a woman who upholds, encourages and loves a man to be all he can in the Lord.

·         Pray for your future husband. (check out Colossians 1:3-8)

o   There is no better way to start supporting and loving him than before the two of you ever meet. Besides, he might be going through all the same emotions you might be at this exact time too!

 Above all else, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

There are so many other things to nibble on, but I have found these to be some of the most applicable in my life. Let me know what you think and Lord willing, these will help you get started in utilizing your singlehood to mold you more into the wife you desire in the Lord to be.

Hang in there, sisters.

Bethany ♥

The purpose, the beginning.

On August 3, 2012, I married a young man named Mark. Now, I could spend hours writing a book on how beautiful his heart is and how strong his desire to serve our Lord is, but I think you will better appreciate all of that through the words on this site, entry by entry. For this reason amongst others, I would like to explain the purpose of this blog.

It was the morning of my wedding and like all brides - I was rushing through prep work. Spraying all sorts of products into my hair to allow a flat iron to burn it straight and stink up a room was just the beginning. Sitting on the floor in front of my closet mirrors, I stared at myself. Spray, press. Spray, press. Little by little my hair was becoming straighter and all I could think of was what I was going to do next to "make myself look beautiful today." It was during this thought of all the work yet before me  when my now sister-in-law, Lauren, a God-honoring woman, entered the room. The other bridesmaids were somewhere else in the house and for a short while we were alone.

"Now that we're alone together, I would like to take a moment to read with you...." and before I could pull my flat iron to another section of hair, she sat herself down opening the Word of God to Proverbs 31 and from that moment on, the last bit of my heart that needed to evolve began it's journey.

¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
¹¹ The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
¹² She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
¹³ She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
¹⁵ She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
¹⁶ She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
¹⁸ She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
¹⁹ She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
²⁰ She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
²² She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
²⁵ Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷ She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
²⁹ Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
³⁰ Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

When she finished, after speaking to me a few kind words, her eyes began to rain softly as she tried to cover her face with her beautiful, shiny blond hair. I'd never seen her show this kind of emotion and it brought me to a beautiful and loud pause; a collision of realities. Part of me thought I had it all together - I was going to be Mark's wife soon. We did the marriage counseling, we dated, we got to know each other and now it was going to be solidified by God and the state of California. But while I knew that marriage takes works, truly becoming a wife was not by speaking vows and signing papers. God had laid out in His Word what is truly meant to be a wife, a virtuous woman sought by Him for his people, and that was a journey that did not end with "I do."

"Thank you, Lauren," I said as I looked over to her reflection in the mirror, watching this God-ordained moment unfold before me as if I was watching a film. She stood up with her strong cross-country legs and through the toss of her hair and the shifting of her eyes to the doorway, she softly said, " I love you" and with that, my soon-to-be sister left me, alone, to ponder what the Lord was trying to teach me in these last few hours as "a single woman."

If you will, please join me in the days, months, years of writing as I learn what it really means to become the wife of Mark, my husband, following as best God grants me, this layout in scripture. If you aren't married, perhaps the Lord could use this blog as a way to help prepare you for when He, if He wills is, brings His match into your life. If you are married, may God bless the wisdom He has already bestowed upon you through experience (probably more than I've yet had) and if it is His will, might He utilize these words as encouragement when you need it or however else He desires.

Friends, please join me in my journey to Becoming His Wife.