All the single ladies!

To all the single ladies desiring a Godly man.

Disclaimer: If you are desiring a man to make yourself feel better or because you are alone, that is the exact opposite of what you need and will only lead to failure. At the end of the day, it's important to desire to be his helper, his encourager and his friend. He isn't supposed to be your pleasure puppy. Remember…

“ A woman’s heart should be so lost in God (first!), that a man must seek Him to find her.”

While I have been starting and restarting over and over a blog entry directed towards YOU gals, it always seems to fail me. It doesn’t seem to touch my heart the way I would have wanted it to if I were to have written to myself the same blog when I was single. So for now, I just want to say this: If you are single “and ready to mingle” with the hope of finding a husband in the end, don’t stress yourself out. Some women go through a lot of “bad eggs” before God brings the right one into their life. Sometimes, it’s the first guy you date.

 For Mark, I was his first girlfriend which makes me feel extremely special. He learned a lot and sometimes I felt like the guinea pig, but it’s such a blessing to know I was and will always be the only girl he ever loved. My story is different though as he wasn’t my first boyfriend (but the only man I ever truly loved, thanks be to God!). And while in a way, I wish our stories to be the same, mine comes with a unique twist. My husband is a very unique young man; he is extremely special. He has the biggest heart I have ever seen and had I not gone through the hardships (and I mean hard!) that I had pre-Mark (in all relationships with men both dating-wise and outside that realm), I wouldn’t respect him or appreciate him the way I do today, which will grow tomorrow and so on. There was beauty in the pain I thought would destroy me years ago when I thought “I’ll never get married. No one will love me. I’m not good enough.” Blah, blah, blah. So, for now, ma’ single sista’s, I leave you with these questions to ask yourself, along with some homework.

·         What can I do now to better equip myself as a help meet for my future husband? ( check out Proverbs 31:10-31)

o   Write a list! Examine yourself. Take it seriously and work at making that list a reality.

·         What are the traits of a Godly husband that I desire? ( check out 1 Peter 3:8-17)

o   Write a list! State the obvious (Man of strong faith, kind, patient, responsible, pure, etc.) and the not-so-obvious traits (good cook, likes watching movies, fashionable, likes to travel, etc.) you would like which makes you a distinct woman with your own likes and dislikes. Remember that over time this list is subject to change (I married a blond man when I always dreamed of brown hair) and feel free to explain in detail to yourself some of those traits!

·         I’ve made my share of mistakes with guys in the past. What can I learn from them? How can I prevent those same mistakes with the next man in my life?(check out my favorite passage, found during testing times, 1 Peter 5:8-11)

o   Ask the Lord for forgiveness and write a plan of attack if and when sin tries to enter into your next relationship and present it before yourself and significant other when the time is right. That might be as soon as you decided to date each other or that might be when you start to become more physically comfortable. Be honest! Set rules. Create boundaries.

·         I’m single right now and while I might wish otherwise, I have more “free time” to myself so why not pick up a new hobby; why not find something positive to do! What is something I’ve always wanted to learn? Where have I always wanted to go? (check out Ecclesiastes 11:9)

o   Do it! Follow through! If anything, you learn a few new things and get your mind off of yourself.Find something positive to focus on that you might uplift your life and grow in the Lord, full of rejoicing and happiness.

·         Dating is practice for marriage and in marriage, a wife is to submit to her husband in love. Since I don’t have a husband yet or a boyfriend to practice this trait with, how is my relationship with my earthly father in practice of authority and most importantly, with my heavenly Father? Am I submitting to either’s guidance? How do I generally respect the men in my life? (check out Ephesians 5:21)

o   How you treat, respond to and respect your father, brother and even close male friends all taps in to how you will treat your husband after the “bubblies,” “butterflies,” and “gigglies” wear off and you’re both used to each other. Spend this time as great practice for equipping yourself as a woman who upholds, encourages and loves a man to be all he can in the Lord.

·         Pray for your future husband. (check out Colossians 1:3-8)

o   There is no better way to start supporting and loving him than before the two of you ever meet. Besides, he might be going through all the same emotions you might be at this exact time too!

 Above all else, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

There are so many other things to nibble on, but I have found these to be some of the most applicable in my life. Let me know what you think and Lord willing, these will help you get started in utilizing your singlehood to mold you more into the wife you desire in the Lord to be.

Hang in there, sisters.

Bethany ♥