...more than his own wife.

I love being married to a man that loves God more than me, his own wife.

For the last almost six months of our almost 9 months of marriage, I’ve been pregnant (there's a blog for that one, too. Check it out here). And while it hasn’t been a horrible experience as far as mood swings, cravings, etc., I’ve definitely had those days where everything seems to be going wrong or I’m out of control and I just want to break down in tears. Sometimes I do while during others I’ve just been so frustrated and stubborn that I don’t even talk (and that’s a lot for me). I just sort of go along with the rest of the day. I’m thankful that this pregnancy hasn’t been a nightmare, but I wish I wasn’t more sensitive of a person lately than I already am. It’s exhausting! 

With that being said, I’m a handful and even more of one now than ever. And while I’m a handful, having a husband who puts the Lord first has taught me how to cope with the stresses of life and the struggles of the flesh consistently throughout the course of our marriage and for years down the road. Every day I am learning.  You see, I’ve been incredibly blessed to marry a man who puts God before me…most definitely. Mark doesn’t ignore me or put me down with some sort of Christian lingo as if he were better than I or was “closer with the Lord” nor does he look at me and say “your relationship with Christ is your own business. I won’t judge you and help you; I’ll leave that to God,” but he treats me in a way that shows love and discipline in accordance to how I need both to be experienced as a unique individual.

Honestly, I’ve got a personality that can be sassy, whiney and stubborn (I know, I know, innocent little me). The list goes on. When I’m hurt, I shut down. I’m easily walked over (people – pleaser) and hold on to heartache. But by striving to put the Lord first in our marriage above either one of our own desires, Mark doesn’t always run to me immediately and ask, “What is wrong?? What can I do?” proceeding to bend over backwards at my beck and call, spoiling me and letting me get away with anything I want because I’m his “princess” and he “wants me to be happy.” No, he strives to seek wisdom from the Lord first, so that his words may be edified by the One who gave him the ability to speak in the first place.

Husbands are called to love their wives as wives are called to respect their husbands.  In diving into Love & Respect again, I revisited the notion of how this all works out for a happy and pure marriage. For example, imagine your boss being someone who doesn’t always “stick to protocol”, lets you get away with being late and lazy all the time, doesn’t give you occasional praise for your hard efforts, etc., and lets you walk all over him. Would you respect this kind of a man? Would you work hard to show that you care about his opinions of you? Of course not and neither would the rest of his employees! This type of a boss isn’t a leader; he sets no standard for his team. He doesn’t care about his company or higher authority. Now here’s another example. Imagine your boss as someone who works hard, gives you kind constructive criticism to keep you striving to do your best, shoots up a high-five after a job well done and keeps everything organized/running smoothly. Would you respect him? Yes! This guy obviously cares about the environment he works in and we all know that at the end of the day, it’s what the corporation has to say about him that is the most important to him.

Let’s review.

There are so many little mirrors of man’s relationship to God in society, whether or not they are positive or negative (honoring vs. dishonoring). Focusing on marriage, a Christian marriage should be similar to the second example. The husband is the boss and the corporation is God. If a husband strives to be honorable in the eyes of the Lord, and out of gratitude for his salvation he desires to gives thanks by being honorable to his Father in heaven, his marriage is going to be his pride and joy. He is going to work hard for his family, cultivating it the way it should go as ordained by the Lord. He will lead his family to Christian goals by disciplining them. Remember though that discipline doesn't always mean "no" but it does always mean laying out a blueprint for righteousness. That includes (both for husband and wife) things such as working out a budget, taking time to understand one’s spouse, fulfilling each other’s needs in appropriate ways, practicing self-control, etc. When a husband shows himself to be honorable, kind, forgiving – he loves his wife by these actions and fulfills her emotional and security needs. She, in turn, is able to respect and trust him to protect and provide for the family as a whole. (The wife also has her own duties. More on that in another lecture blog.)

I’m my own person, one of two in this union. Together we are one buuuut that doesn’t mean our personalities are the same and our interests match to a “t”; we can clash! What is does mean though is that we have a duty towards each other no matter how different our personal attributes are.   From my experience, I’ve seen myself grow in these last few months both spiritually and emotionally. I’ve seen Mark push me because the Lord has been pushing him to be a better servant. I’ve watched myself evolve emotionally because my husband didn’t let me get the best of me; he doesn’t let me feel sorry for myself, but builds me up modestly. He doesn’t fall apart when I do. Spiritually, I’m able to constantly follow my husband by his example in understanding what it really means to take my faith seriously, while understanding that Mark (no matter how wonderful I think he is) does have his own struggles and shortcomings and needs support just as much as I do. By his example, I’m learning how to reciprocate that. When I’m struggling, Mark seeks guidance from the Lord first so he can help me with wisdom that surpasses what he alone can create. He shows me love by his genuine acts of care for my spiritual well-being, both of ours being the foundations (whether strong or weak) of our marriage. Because of this, I look up to him as my leader, brother, and friend. I trust his decisions (whether or not at the time I agree 100% because we are two unique beings with differing opinions but somehow I’ve always come around sooner or later). I trust him with my life, my heart, our son – and it makes it easier for me to trust the Lord first, simply from seeing the fruits of the Spirit thriving in my own spouse’s life, the now first and foremost man figure of God in my own. If turning your wife or husband closer to the Lord isn’t the most important goal in a marriage relationship, I don’t know what is.

When Mark and I first started getting to know each other, his faith bothered me at times. He was that guy that would stop in the middle of anything to pray, would cause us to run late because his devotions ran longer than expected, he was always mentioning God in conversation – as much as I personally love the Lord, his love of the Lord convicted me and made me uncomfortable (for good reason) as his walk wasn’t as “at my own convenience” as mine was; mine was easier, lazier. You see, he had genuinely made God his authority long before I did and while it bothered me because it was more than I was used to in my own life…it intrigued me. It encouraged me. It attracted and convicted me. Little by little, I became more accustomed to remembering to pray before my food in public, how to witness in conversation to the everyday stranger and (what I’m currently working on) how to read the Word of God purposefully with rejoicing free of guilt. 4 years later, I’ve got a husband who has completely been used by the Lord to redefine what I understand to be “walking by faith.”

I love Mark with all that I am. There are days when I sit back and just watch him be “Mark” and my heart is warmed by all his quirks and signature traits. But I will be honest with you: it is easy for me to love him more than the Lord at times. I can always tell when I’m “too far over the edge” in that respect because I begin to become more easily hurt, irritated, or confused with actions of his that simply conflict with my own (more than normal) because I have become too sensitive to him before the Lord in that time. I begin to allow my emotional and spiritual well-being to be focused on full satisfaction by him, pushing out what needs to be fulfilled by the Lord first and in that, I will forever find failure; our spouses cannot be our idols. Man cannot replace God. It is something that I, especially as a woman, will always need to work at because as a more emotional being, I need to control where I find (first and foremost) security which is, of course, to be of God. But in the midst of this confusion when I find myself off track causing more friction in our marriage because of my idolization of my husband, the Lord guides Mark to help me in this weakness by guiding his example of loving God first.

It’s a beautiful thing, this journey of marriage. It’s incredible what I’m learning every single day. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, sometimes it’s too revealing, but it’s always refining for my faith. And at the end of the day, no matter what cute and cuddly little joy I find in these earthly gifts, it’s always the greatest joy to be in love with a man who loves a God even more than his own wife.