"A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." - 1 Corinthians 7:39
I attend a junior college. Now, while at any college, there are those were married and are now divorced, those who are living with someone and those who perhaps are married but are cheating on their spouse, just because a
It was during my anatomy course this morning when a bunch of women began, as we women so easily do, chatting about the various facets of life. While the other half of the class worked on a project and I sat alone studying, the group behind me carried on like a flocks of excited birds in a field. The conversation got more lively when the homework load for this particular class was mentioned. That led to all the women who had children and needed to find babysitters for when they were in school. Two of these women are married. One is not. One doesn't have a child, but has a boyfriend and one is divorced.
As the five women went on complaining about how busy their lives were with children and school, soon enough they began to complain about their husbands (rule #1) to each other like it was nothing. I got to know more about these men more than I would have liked, out respect for their privacy, but even sooner did one of the younger ladies say, "I'm NEVER getting married." The other, a similar age, shot a look of surprise at her saying, "Aren't you engaged?" as she looked down at the first woman's ring. "It's a promise ring."
Another woman piped up saying, "Don't. It's horrible. I wish I never had." Meanwhile, I was distracted by my own instructor in her own conversation with our class' interpreter for the deaf, saying how she and her husband "are just two people living in the same house" and sharing how they "don't even talk to each other anymore," splitting their money between themselves, etc. Well, that was it. I was so overwhelmed with heartache for these women (and quite insulted at the lack of respect for marriage), that I felt compelled to ask questions.
"You said to not get married - that it's so horrible...?" I said looking at my classmate. "Oh yeah," while another nodded along with her who replied, "I agree. Don't do it. It's awful." The one whom I asked continued saying, "It was much better before we got married. Living together was so much nicer. Things change over time and that...that energy just dies."
Things change over time? PEOPLE change over time! I thought to myself. Of course they do! So change with 'em! But what do I know. I've only been married for just under two months, right?
Another woman jumped in. "I was married for 27 years before my husband cheated on me for some little thing 16 years younger than him. I didn't suspect it - no one did. Our marriage was great. At least, I thought so. Then out of the blue, he cheated. I told him he could have me or her and soon we were done. But...I wouldn't trade those 27 years for anything and would do it over again if I could."
The group was silenced for a moment. 27 years blew them all away. Why? Why would spending 27 years of marriage our of a lifetime blow anyone away when saying your vows upon your wedding day includes 'til death do us part? That means forever, does it not? It wasn't long before the other ladies began ragging on men, marriage, etc., again and I tuned out. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt as if I was staring at a bunch of people who had no desire to get better, just complain and be content in that. More importantly, I felt as if the most beautiful part of my life was being mocked.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. Bethany, you don't know their story. Do not assume things! Just because people get married, doesn't mean it will last and sometimes when it does, it shouldn't. Men can be abusive. Women can cheat. People hide things until they are locked into "forever." You're only 21! What could you possibly understand? What experience have YOU?
Friends. Readers. Whoever you are. I do not look at one who is married and hates it or one who is divorced or one who cheats (because they feel they aren't getting what they need from their spouse, sexually/emotionally) as if they are wrong and I as if I hold all the answers. But let me ask you this: When a person decides and follows through with becoming married, are they not bound to that person, in covenant, for life (within reason. There are legitimate reasons for divorce such as unrepentant infidelity, abuse of the physical, sexual, financial, etc.)? And if their marriage is in the pits, what good is it to complain - and for that matter, to others (other than some form of a counselor in which they seek guidance)? Which one of these women acknowledge that, yes, their marriage was going through a rough patch but she is or is going to seek help to do whatever she could in her power to save it? Which one of these women advised the rest of us to take the choice of marital commitment with all precautions? None of them.
Marriage is not a game. It is not an opportunity to get together with someone and roll dice floating through "whatever happens" with the possibility of it just "not working out." When two people come together, they bring separate lives filled with different ideas, baggage, approaches, expectations - the list goes on. But this is to be expected, seeing as we are humans each unique from the other, creating a beautiful population on this earth, though we are flawed. On the contrary, when we step out from within ourselves, our ideas, our predispositions and biases and we go back (or perhaps for the first time!) into the Word of God for a FRESH look at life, love, marriage - our hearts and our minds are drawn back to the original truths ordained by God in the garden of Eden, where our sovereign Lord joined together Adam and Eve. We are taken back to when Christ gave Himself for His bride - us, the Church! You think that relationship wasn't without pain? Christ Himself felt the weight of our sins, that He might make us pure in our Father's sight. He was nailed to the cross and hung there, blasphemed, for us! But He didn't give up. If that isn't true love and the perfect model of marriage, I don't know what is.
I know this has been long, but my heart aches for today's ideas on marriage, on love, sex - everything that binds the soul for eternity. I wish I could wrap my arms around all those who are hurting in these areas, but I am flawed and the holes of my heart would not cover the raindrops of the world onto it's victims. They would still get burned. I just want people to understand that when you enter marriage, you cannot consider divorce as a way out straight from the beginning. You cannot take it so lightly. And you cannot lie to yourself about love.
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