Contrary to popular belief, having a Godly, loving, positive husband whom I married at a young age drives me to do better, not cause my life to go into some instant chaos, interrupting my previously lived single life. We prepared ourselves. We got premarital counseling. We read/are reading books together. We got advice. We prayed for guidance. We prepared for marriage as best we could and realistically altered our expectations. It's sad that so many people assumed the first 3 months of marriage would be awful, to lighten their actual words. If you go into something thinking you will fail...you will. Can't do that!
My journey to continually becoming the woman, mother and wife God has ordained me to be through Proverbs 31:10-30, the wisdom of married couples and everything else life brings.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Food for thought.
Truth is, these first three months have been a lot easier than people told us they would be considering we were both full-time students with part time jobs and to some, even the fact that we didn't live together before we got married would make it "awful in the beginning" (which, I thought was a horrible way to approach marriage for a number of later-to-be-discussed-reasons).
Truth be told: if you go into something thinking you will fail....you will. Eliminate the negative. Work and pray hard for the positive.
We only have 3 months under our belts, yes, but every tool we've used to overcome the hurdles we've already faced won't change over time. The problems just might be bigger.
Truth be told: if you go into something thinking you will fail....you will. Eliminate the negative. Work and pray hard for the positive.
We only have 3 months under our belts, yes, but every tool we've used to overcome the hurdles we've already faced won't change over time. The problems just might be bigger.
*
But
God
is even
bigger
than those.
"I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
Just a moment please.
I don't believe in luck, but I do belive in Providence. And Providence gave me the most wonderful husband.
He is so darn cute.
Thank You, Lord.
He is so darn cute.
Thank You, Lord.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Where's Your Identity? Who's Your Beholder?
Here's one of my most cherished blog posts from a few years ago. I thought it was perfect for this site.
Titus 2:3-5
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
Titus 2:3-5
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
I'm nineteen years old. For the past three years, I've fought a hard battle between accepting who I am in the eyes of the Lord and who I am when I look in the mirror - what I think other people see. I'm no perfect size 3. My face has acne. My hair is frizzy and unlike all my friends around me - it's not smooth, elegant and "typical." I could go on and on about how much I stand out - I could go on and on about all the little things about me that get under my skin. I could go one forever about why I don't feel beautiful. But that's not what I'm here for.
Today I went to the annual Ladies Tea hosted by a church in Yuba City. Every year, friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, aunts and nieces gather for food and fellowship simply to bless one another with the love of Christ as we're all joined as His body. But this year, it was different for me. I saw things I'd seen before, but never really saw. I beheld, through my eyes and heart, older women who, like an adult before their own parents, reverenced themselves just like the children they were of their Father. These were women who have lived most of their lives, made their mistakes and yet still cling to the faithfulness and promises of their Savior.
There are many different types of women. There are quiet, loud, feminine, sporty - and all of these mixed up together per individual as well. But I've learned that no matter what type of woman one may be, her love and drive for the Gospel always brings her back to humiliation and submission to the One she serves. It is a passion that could bring even the rowdiest tomboy to her knees or the quietest, most hushed and coldest woman to a trickling of the softest whispers.
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I've met young men that think me anything BUT attractive and others who think the world of me and likewise girls who view me the same as well on both sides. It's all subjective - looks and attraction (a hard lesson learned). But when I gazed upon the women of faith that surrounded me, women who taught me more in those couple of hours than those before them have in years of friendship, I saw more beauty in that fellowship hall than ever could be described because the beauty I saw started in their hearts and crept up to their smiles and burst out with a glimmer of kindness in their eyes. They truly became physically beautiful to me and I admired their dedication to Christ and His bride.
So what am I getting at here? I'll break it down nice and easy. Life is about relationships. We're humans destined to fall in love and some - to even marry and populate the earth. It's where I am currently in life that makes "being attractive" difficult because it's typical to dwell on all my mental and physical flaws. But at the end of the day, it's not how someone looks. It's not the car they drive or "the ice around their necks." It's about where their heart is and where they find their true happiness. I pray that I continue to walk with the Lord so that one day I too may fully grasp how beautiful I am in His sight leading a legacy for those in my footsteps and that YOU as well might soldier on confidently for the Kingdom.
Today I went to the annual Ladies Tea hosted by a church in Yuba City. Every year, friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, aunts and nieces gather for food and fellowship simply to bless one another with the love of Christ as we're all joined as His body. But this year, it was different for me. I saw things I'd seen before, but never really saw. I beheld, through my eyes and heart, older women who, like an adult before their own parents, reverenced themselves just like the children they were of their Father. These were women who have lived most of their lives, made their mistakes and yet still cling to the faithfulness and promises of their Savior.
There are many different types of women. There are quiet, loud, feminine, sporty - and all of these mixed up together per individual as well. But I've learned that no matter what type of woman one may be, her love and drive for the Gospel always brings her back to humiliation and submission to the One she serves. It is a passion that could bring even the rowdiest tomboy to her knees or the quietest, most hushed and coldest woman to a trickling of the softest whispers.
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I've met young men that think me anything BUT attractive and others who think the world of me and likewise girls who view me the same as well on both sides. It's all subjective - looks and attraction (a hard lesson learned). But when I gazed upon the women of faith that surrounded me, women who taught me more in those couple of hours than those before them have in years of friendship, I saw more beauty in that fellowship hall than ever could be described because the beauty I saw started in their hearts and crept up to their smiles and burst out with a glimmer of kindness in their eyes. They truly became physically beautiful to me and I admired their dedication to Christ and His bride.
So what am I getting at here? I'll break it down nice and easy. Life is about relationships. We're humans destined to fall in love and some - to even marry and populate the earth. It's where I am currently in life that makes "being attractive" difficult because it's typical to dwell on all my mental and physical flaws. But at the end of the day, it's not how someone looks. It's not the car they drive or "the ice around their necks." It's about where their heart is and where they find their true happiness. I pray that I continue to walk with the Lord so that one day I too may fully grasp how beautiful I am in His sight leading a legacy for those in my footsteps and that YOU as well might soldier on confidently for the Kingdom.
Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
You insult yourself - you insult his wife. A confession from the editor.
I created this blog to share the truths - the truths of marriage. Not every marriage is the same. Each is unique while all holding the same basic principals for success. But what a lot of young women I have spoken with seem to think is that after you get married, it becomes about you and Mr. Perfect. All the other "stuff" before just goes away and you start your "new" life together. Even I was a little bit under this spell, as I think most brides are a little bit entitled to some fairytale drama during the emotion-packed engagement process, I knew from the beginning that my story, my life, would bring enough baggage to deal with thoughout my marriage. Truth is, nothing is really new when a man and woman join together. Lord willing, the two of you are virgins and it's the first time you've both lived together (and all which that entails...). If not, there is forgiveness in that - easily. But I digress. Really, there isn't anything different and if there IS ----- someone was hiding something and that something wasn't discussed in marital counseling (preparation for hashing out all the kinks before you seal the deal). But sometimes, no matter how much "hashing out" we do, there's always that part of us, our greatest sins/burdens, that gets out of the way when we need to deal with them the most (repressed to the farthest crevices in our minds as if it never happened) and in the way when circumstances need nothing more than such a precise, cumbersome pile of garbage on top of everything else, inhibiting progress.
Recently, I did my "big chop." I cut off 4-6 inches of dry, brittle hair and am attempting to rock a short do. The plan is that it doesn't stay this way very long but gives my hair a chance to revive itself. Mark handed me the scissors (since I don't trust anyone around here to do it for me...I'm a half black girl in a Dutch community) and with all the support possible, he encouraged me to "be who I want to be" with my hair and Nike-it-up. "Just do it," he said as I wandered pathetically around the apartment weighing every single pro and con pre - the big chop. Now, here I am with a bare neck and fluffy little fro partially regretting my decision. He says he likes it, but he'd also like it if I was bald and had moles all over because, you see, my husband loves me for who God created me to be, not how I look. But for me, that can be frustrating.
It's not that Mark doesn't appreciate my physical attributes. In fact, he quite fancies them. (Woohoo!) But my husband's head is screwed on so straight that it is impossible for him to stoop down to my socially-blemished-and -illogical-mentality to criticize me for every flaw I have, which I too often torture myself with. He doesn't see the acne scars on my skin, the bloating in my stomach from some delicious soup or the way my haircut, in my mind, distorts my body proportion, etc.When I try toexplain exploit my flaws for some strange reason, he stares at me like I'm speaking a different language. But, after letting me spill all my self-insulting and destructive criticism, he softly walks over to me, wraps his arms around me and tells me I'm beautiful. Half the time he stops me in my tracks. He reminds me that of all people, his is the opinion that should matter the most, not someone outside our marriage (rude coworker, half-hearted friend, the media, etc.). He then reminds me that on top of THAT, my opinion of myself is what matters most. He then ends with reminding me that who I am in the Lord Jesus Christ, who God the Father created me to be and how I view these things is, and forever will be, the number one thing I should be concerned about.
If you know anything about me, you might not know that for the last 7 years of my life, I have battled eating disorders of all types all across the board. The tail-end of 2008 and beginning of 2009, I was consuming no more than around 400-700 calories a day and was "light as a feather, thin as a rail." I was lifeless. I was dull. I was hurting and my personality had died. Back up a couples years earlier and I was a high school student struggling to keep her food down, constantly pondering her next binge and purge like it was some high school crush that had been dramatically burned into my brain. To top it all off, I found myself in a relationship where an important person in my life spent more time talking to me about my body (both pros and cons) and taking advantage of my poor state of mind that I completely lost who I was and in 2009 - I felt dead; alone. I was burned out. That's when the Lord brought Mark into my life (again).
Over time, the Lord has used him to help me control myself and any negative feedback I voluntarily concoct or chew. Counseling and breaking ties with those who've taken advantage of me helped but ultimately it's a lifelong process. When I married Mark, these issues I'd dealt with long before he re-entered my life didn't just go away, but rather, I am continuing to learn how to handle them through the support of my husband and strength of my Savior.While it is proving to be no easy task, it is much better to soldier on with a teammate (and even better - one in the Lord!) than to struggle alone.
While Mark and I were dating, I came across a Christian article focusing on things that men wished women knew in terms of relationships and "what guys think." I don't remember anything else except one gentleman's response which was along the lines of the following: "I wish that married women understood that when they look in the mirror and criticize themselves, the are also criticizing their husband's wife. They bring another person into their marriage who bashes the treasure of a man - the most valuable treasure. A husband and wife belong to each other. We are one. If you, the woman, insult yourself - you insult his wife and you also insult his taste in women - his decisions, ultimately insulting him for choosing you. No husband wants his woman to be ridiculed" (or his confidence insulted).
That stuck with me for awhile and I instantly relayed the article to Mark, appreciating the commentary. Sure enough, he has repeated that to me time and time again when I fall into those "woe is me" moments when I get hung up on what society/fashion says I should look like, do, be - whatever, instead of going back to the Word of God for my identity which isn't flawed, but it is perfect in the eyes of the Lord. It still is important to be healthy and dress myself well/appropriately, but the obsession has to stop. It isn't fitting for me, it isn't fitting for marriage and it isn't fitting for a daughter of the King.
1 Peter 2:9 says, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness in to His wonderful light." Did you hear that? Ladies! We are chosen! Royal! Holy! We mustn't dwell on the physical. In His sight, under the shed blood of Christ, we are beautiful because we are blemish free. Our sins are washed away. In it's place, we are "a people belonging to God."
If that doesn't make you want to throw those skinny jeans out the door and fall to your knees in adoration ------ I don't know what else will. Love yourself! Let your man love you - do not withhold yourself from him because you don't feel "beautiful enough"! KNOW that your Saviour loves you. Amen? Amen!
Recently, I did my "big chop." I cut off 4-6 inches of dry, brittle hair and am attempting to rock a short do. The plan is that it doesn't stay this way very long but gives my hair a chance to revive itself. Mark handed me the scissors (since I don't trust anyone around here to do it for me...I'm a half black girl in a Dutch community) and with all the support possible, he encouraged me to "be who I want to be" with my hair and Nike-it-up. "Just do it," he said as I wandered pathetically around the apartment weighing every single pro and con pre - the big chop. Now, here I am with a bare neck and fluffy little fro partially regretting my decision. He says he likes it, but he'd also like it if I was bald and had moles all over because, you see, my husband loves me for who God created me to be, not how I look. But for me, that can be frustrating.
It's not that Mark doesn't appreciate my physical attributes. In fact, he quite fancies them. (Woohoo!) But my husband's head is screwed on so straight that it is impossible for him to stoop down to my socially-blemished-and -illogical-mentality to criticize me for every flaw I have, which I too often torture myself with. He doesn't see the acne scars on my skin, the bloating in my stomach from some delicious soup or the way my haircut, in my mind, distorts my body proportion, etc.When I try to
If you know anything about me, you might not know that for the last 7 years of my life, I have battled eating disorders of all types all across the board. The tail-end of 2008 and beginning of 2009, I was consuming no more than around 400-700 calories a day and was "light as a feather, thin as a rail." I was lifeless. I was dull. I was hurting and my personality had died. Back up a couples years earlier and I was a high school student struggling to keep her food down, constantly pondering her next binge and purge like it was some high school crush that had been dramatically burned into my brain. To top it all off, I found myself in a relationship where an important person in my life spent more time talking to me about my body (both pros and cons) and taking advantage of my poor state of mind that I completely lost who I was and in 2009 - I felt dead; alone. I was burned out. That's when the Lord brought Mark into my life (again).
Over time, the Lord has used him to help me control myself and any negative feedback I voluntarily concoct or chew. Counseling and breaking ties with those who've taken advantage of me helped but ultimately it's a lifelong process. When I married Mark, these issues I'd dealt with long before he re-entered my life didn't just go away, but rather, I am continuing to learn how to handle them through the support of my husband and strength of my Savior.While it is proving to be no easy task, it is much better to soldier on with a teammate (and even better - one in the Lord!) than to struggle alone.
While Mark and I were dating, I came across a Christian article focusing on things that men wished women knew in terms of relationships and "what guys think." I don't remember anything else except one gentleman's response which was along the lines of the following: "I wish that married women understood that when they look in the mirror and criticize themselves, the are also criticizing their husband's wife. They bring another person into their marriage who bashes the treasure of a man - the most valuable treasure. A husband and wife belong to each other. We are one. If you, the woman, insult yourself - you insult his wife and you also insult his taste in women - his decisions, ultimately insulting him for choosing you. No husband wants his woman to be ridiculed" (or his confidence insulted).
That stuck with me for awhile and I instantly relayed the article to Mark, appreciating the commentary. Sure enough, he has repeated that to me time and time again when I fall into those "woe is me" moments when I get hung up on what society/fashion says I should look like, do, be - whatever, instead of going back to the Word of God for my identity which isn't flawed, but it is perfect in the eyes of the Lord. It still is important to be healthy and dress myself well/appropriately, but the obsession has to stop. It isn't fitting for me, it isn't fitting for marriage and it isn't fitting for a daughter of the King.
1 Peter 2:9 says, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness in to His wonderful light." Did you hear that? Ladies! We are chosen! Royal! Holy! We mustn't dwell on the physical. In His sight, under the shed blood of Christ, we are beautiful because we are blemish free. Our sins are washed away. In it's place, we are "a people belonging to God."
If that doesn't make you want to throw those skinny jeans out the door and fall to your knees in adoration ------ I don't know what else will. Love yourself! Let your man love you - do not withhold yourself from him because you don't feel "beautiful enough"! KNOW that your Saviour loves you. Amen? Amen!
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