Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Honored.

Some people say they're lucky to be with their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. The way I see it has nothing to do with luck. From the beginning of mine and Mark's lives, I see a Divine plan to join us together after 22 years of individual experiences and a blossoming friendship over a few of those years. And in the course of it all, how blessed I have been since our marriage, I cannot bring myself to leave it to "luck" or chance or whatever for this gift of a wonderful husband, brother and friend. His presence in my life is too much of a beautiful series to ignore the Artist.

I guess what I am trying to blurt out here is that I'm not lucky. I am honored. I am honored to be Mark's wife and honored to be carrying his son. I cannot descrbe in all the writings I could muster up as to how wonderful and honest of a man of faith he is and how the Lord used him to save and change my life. But if you at all get a sense of it through my blog, I hope it is quite tangible.

I am honored to be his wife.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Love.

The longer I'm married, the more I'm realizing just how little I know about love.

...and I don't mean this to imply that I married the wrong man, got married too young, or am too overwhelmed with what's going on in my life; I disagree with all of those. What I'm simply saying is that to me, marriage is like a fascinating specimen. I'm constantly learning so much about myself, Mark, our incredible God and even just basic day-to-day human relationships on such a more detailed level that I couldn't have possibly achieved as the person I was previously as a single young woman (at least, the woman I was). It's just...different.

Obviously, love is more complex to me than ever before for a lot of reasons. But it's jaw-dropping how intricately designed it is, how many different avenues one could take to explore it (both positive and negatively) and how at the end of the day, it will always seem to lack something if the Lord isn't the forefront example of it's essence in one's life.

I could go on for days about love, and definitely want to write more about it later....but for right now, I'm just analyzing. Just processing and rough-drafting in my mind. And honestly, it's exciting how "little" I know about it because that only means I have so much more love to learn about and so much more love yet to give.



Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.



Monday, May 6, 2013

"Are you a wife that's easy to love?"

NOTE: THIS IS A COPIED BLOG ENTRY for the sole purpose of those who aren't too savvy with redirecting to other links (as I have learned is that case with some of my viewers having trouble and that's okay! I'll do whatever I can to help you along!) I didnt write this particular blog entry, but was incredibly moved and encouraged by it through the writings of Jolene Engle. It's a great read and you can find the original author/blog here. Enjoy!

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There was a simple reason why I married my man.  I did so because I loved him and I felt his love towards me.  I don’t think I’m alone in this because I believe this is the same reason why most brides married their husbands.  We didn’t say ‘yes’ to our man because we wanted to go through life feeling discouraged or rejected by them.  We said ‘yes’ because they made us feel treasured.
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
As wives, we need to feel cherished by our husbands but sometimes in our marital relationship the love extended by our husbands towards us can sometimes lessen or fade away.  This can happen for a number of reasons:
1)  The newness of the marital relationship has worn off and our husbands don’t know how to show us love when those warm, fuzzy feelings have diminished.
2)  They are consumed by other pursuits therefore their focus is elsewhere. They are either busy or they don’t think there’s a need to give their wife the love she needs.  In a husband’s mind, he thinks everything is fine in the marriage.
3)  The man doesn’t care to love his wife, all he cares about is himself.
4)  As wives, we can make it difficult for our men to love us because our actions and attitudes are, well… unlovable.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.  Ephesians 5:25
I personally believe this is an insurmountable task, especially for some husbands who dwell with a contentious wife.  As a woman, I honestly think we got the easier command to just submit and respect our men!
So I ask you this question.
Do you make it easy for your husband to love you?
Of course we’re not perfect and we’re going to fall short, but over all in your marriage would you say that your countenance towards your man makes him scream,
“I can’t help but love this woman?”

Since love is an action, here are some ways you can help foster that love connection in your marriage…
Give your husband respect, (whether he deserves it or not)

Follow his leadership and submit to him.

Offer to help him.

Make eye contact when he’s speaking to you.

Be trustworthy and honorable.

Ask him how he feels respected by you and then bless him by doing it.
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33
Watch your words.
Make sure they are uplifting and encouraging.  One of the reasons why our men probably married us was because they thought we were kind and sweet.   I know my man didn’t stand at the end of the wedding aisle waiting for me to say ‘I do’ to him so I could spew venom on him for the rest of his life!
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  Proverbs 16:24
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.  Proverbs 31:26
Have a cheerful heart.
Work on your attitude so your husband will want to come home to you.  No one enjoys being around a person who is constantly complaining and grumbling.
A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.  Proverbs 15:13 And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD; It shall rejoice in His salvation.  Psalm 35:9
Let things go.
Don’t hold a grudge.  When we do that, we communicate to our husbands that we think they’ve screwed up and we no longer respect them.  This type of action and attitude hurts men deeply so don’t be surprised if your man pulls away from you.  The bitterness in your heart will rob you of the love you desire.
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  Ephesians 4:31
Continue to become more like Jesus Christ.  
As we grow in Godly character, this will naturally spill over into our marital relationship.  Of course, becoming more like Jesus doesn’t just happen overnight.  It takes time, dying to self, and complete devotion to following Him.
“He must increase, but I must decrease.  John 3:30

Now keep this in mind…  As wives, if we have a desire to please the Lord, the natural by-product of this is that we will constantly be seeking to respect and subm

"Most Richly Blessed"

Heard this prayer shared during a sermon today on the radio concerning the will of God for His peoples' lives, focusing on the fact that sometimes our most fervent prayers are answered with a "no," such as the case with David desiring to build a huge structure for the Lord. God told him no as it was to be done by his son, Solomon, no matter how passionate David was of his dream to honor the Lord in that way.
Anyways, here's the prayer. Loved it.



Most Richly Blessed
by an Unknown Civil War Veteran

Displayed in the Lobby of the Shreveport, LA Veterans Hospital
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do great things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might become wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given Life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers and true needs were fulfilled.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

Monday, April 29, 2013

...more than his own wife.


I love being married to a man that loves God more than me, his own wife.
For the last almost six months of our almost 9 months of marriage, I’ve been pregnant (there's a blog for that one, too. Check it out here). And while it hasn’t been a horrible experience as far as mood swings, cravings, etc., I’ve definitely had those days where everything seems to be going wrong or I’m out of control and I just want to break down in tears. Sometimes I do while during others I’ve just been so frustrated and stubborn that I don’t even talk (and that’s a lot for me). I just sort of go along with the rest of the day. I’m thankful that this pregnancy hasn’t been a nightmare, but I wish I wasn’t more sensitive of a person lately than I already am. It’s exhausting! 

With that being said, I’m a handful and even more of one now than ever. And while I’m a handful, having a husband who puts the Lord first has taught me how to cope with the stresses of life and the struggles of the flesh consistently throughout the course of our marriage and for years down the road. Every day I am learning.  You see, I’ve been incredibly blessed to marry a man who puts God before me…most definitely. Mark doesn’t ignore me or put me down with some sort of Christian lingo as if he were better than I or was “closer with the Lord” nor does he look at me and say “your relationship with Christ is your own business. I won’t judge you and help you; I’ll leave that to God,” but he treats me in a way that shows love and discipline in accordance to how I need both to be experienced as a unique individual.

Honestly, I’ve got a personality that can be sassy, whiney and stubborn (I know, I know, innocent little me). The list goes on. When I’m hurt, I shut down. I’m easily walked over (people – pleaser) and hold on to heartache. But by striving to put the Lord first in our marriage above either one of our own desires, Mark doesn’t always run to me immediately and ask, “What is wrong?? What can I do?” proceeding to bend over backwards at my beck and call, spoiling me and letting me get away with anything I want because I’m his “princess” and he “wants me to be happy.” No, he strives to seek wisdom from the Lord first, so that his words may be edified by the One who gave him the ability to speak in the first place.

Husbands are called to love their wives as wives are called to respect their husbands.  In diving into Love & Respect again, I revisited the notion of how this all works out for a happy and pure marriage. For example, imagine your boss being someone who doesn’t always “stick to protocol”, lets you get away with being late and lazy all the time, doesn’t give you occasional praise for your hard efforts, etc., and lets you walk all over him. Would you respect this kind of a man? Would you work hard to show that you care about his opinions of you? Of course not and neither would the rest of his employees! This type of a boss isn’t a leader; he sets no standard for his team. He doesn’t care about his company or higher authority. Now here’s another example. Imagine your boss as someone who works hard, gives you kind constructive criticism to keep you striving to do your best, shoots up a high-five after a job well done and keeps everything organized/running smoothly. Would you respect him? Yes! This guy obviously cares about the environment he works in and we all know that at the end of the day, it’s what the corporation has to say about him that is the most important to him.
Let’s review.

There are so many little mirrors of man’s relationship to God in society, whether or not they are positive or negative (honoring vs. dishonoring). Focusing on marriage, a Christian marriage should be similar to the second example. The husband is the boss and the corporation is God. If a husband strives to be honorable in the eyes of the Lord, and out of gratitude for his salvation he desires to gives thanks by being honorable to his Father in heaven, his marriage is going to be his pride and joy. He is going to work hard for his family, cultivating it the way it should go as ordained by the Lord. He will lead his family to Christian goals by disciplining them. Remember though that discipline doesn't always mean "no" but it does always mean laying out a blueprint for righteousness. That includes (both for husband and wife) things such as working out a budget, taking time to understand one’s spouse, fulfilling each other’s needs in appropriate ways, practicing self-control, etc. When a husband shows himself to be honorable, kind, forgiving – he loves his wife by these actions and fulfills her emotional and security needs. She, in turn, is able to respect and trust him to protect and provide for the family as a whole. (The wife also has her own duties. More on that in another lecture blog.)

I’m my own person, one of two in this union. Together we are one buuuut that doesn’t mean our personalities are the same and our interests match to a “t”; we can clash! What is does mean though is that we have a duty towards each other no matter how different our personal attributes are.   From my experience, I’ve seen myself grow in these last few months both spiritually and emotionally. I’ve seen Mark push me because the Lord has been pushing him to be a better servant. I’ve watched myself evolve emotionally because my husband didn’t let me get the best of me; he doesn’t let me feel sorry for myself, but builds me up modestly. He doesn’t fall apart when I do. Spiritually, I’m able to constantly follow my husband by his example in understanding what it really means to take my faith seriously, while understanding that Mark (no matter how wonderful I think he is) does have his own struggles and shortcomings and needs support just as much as I do. By his example, I’m learning how to reciprocate that. When I’m struggling, Mark seeks guidance from the Lord first so he can help me with wisdom that surpasses what he alone can create. He shows me love by his genuine acts of care for my spiritual well-being, both of ours being the foundations (whether strong or weak) of our marriage. Because of this, I look up to him as my leader, brother, and friend. I trust his decisions (whether or not at the time I agree 100% because we are two unique beings with differing opinions but somehow I’ve always come around sooner or later). I trust him with my life, my heart, our son – and it makes it easier for me to trust the Lord first, simply from seeing the fruits of the Spirit thriving in my own spouse’s life, the now first and foremost man figure of God in my own. If turning your wife or husband closer to the Lord isn’t the most important goal in a marriage relationship, I don’t know what is.

When Mark and I first started getting to know each other, his faith bothered me at times. He was that guy that would stop in the middle of anything to pray, would cause us to run late because his devotions ran longer than expected, he was always mentioning God in conversation – as much as I personally love the Lord, his love of the Lord convicted me and made me uncomfortable (for good reason) as his walk wasn’t as “at my own convenience” as mine was; mine was easier, lazier. You see, he had genuinely made God his authority long before I did and while it bothered me because it was more than I was used to in my own life…it intrigued me. It encouraged me. It attracted and convicted me. Little by little, I became more accustomed to remembering to pray before my food in public, how to witness in conversation to the everyday stranger and (what I’m currently working on) how to read the Word of God purposefully with rejoicing free of guilt. 4 years later, I’ve got a husband who has completely been used by the Lord to redefine what I understand to be “walking by faith.”

I love Mark with all that I am. There are days when I sit back and just watch him be “Mark” and my heart is warmed by all his quirks and signature traits. But I will be honest with you: it is easy for me to love him more than the Lord at times. I can always tell when I’m “too far over the edge” in that respect because I begin to become more easily hurt, irritated, or confused with actions of his that simply conflict with my own (more than normal) because I have become too sensitive to him before the Lord in that time. I begin to allow my emotional and spiritual well-being to be focused on full satisfaction by him, pushing out what needs to be fulfilled by the Lord first and in that, I will forever find failure; our spouses cannot be our idols. Man cannot replace God. It is something that I, especially as a woman, will always need to work at because as a more emotional being, I need to control where I find (first and foremost) security which is, of course, to be of God. But in the midst of this confusion when I find myself off track causing more friction in our marriage because of my idolization of my husband, the Lord guides Mark to help me in this weakness by guiding his example of loving God first.

It’s a beautiful thing, this journey of marriage. It’s incredible what I’m learning every single day. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, sometimes it’s too revealing, but it’s always refining for my faith. And at the end of the day, no matter what cute and cuddly little joy I find in these earthly gifts, it’s always the greatest joy to be in love with a man who loves a God even more than his own wife.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

All the single ladies!


To all the single ladies desiring a Godly man.

Disclaimer: If you are desiring a man to make yourself feel better or because you are alone, that is the exact opposite of what you need and will only lead to failure. At the end of the day, it's important to desire to be his helper, his encourager and his friend. He isn't supposed to be your pleasure puppy. Remember…

“ A woman’s heart should be so lost in God (first!), that a man must seek Him to find her.”

While I have been starting and restarting over and over a blog entry directed towards YOU gals, it always seems to fail me. It doesn’t seem to touch my heart the way I would have wanted it to if I were to have written to myself the same blog when I was single. So for now, I just want to say this: If you are single “and ready to mingle” with the hope of finding a husband in the end, don’t stress yourself out. Some women go through a lot of “bad eggs” before God brings the right one into their life. Sometimes, it’s the first guy you date.

 For Mark, I was his first girlfriend which makes me feel extremely special. He learned a lot and sometimes I felt like the guinea pig, but it’s such a blessing to know I was and will always be the only girl he ever loved. My story is different though as he wasn’t my first boyfriend (but the only man I ever truly loved, thanks be to God!). And while in a way, I wish our stories to be the same, mine comes with a unique twist. My husband is a very unique young man; he is extremely special. He has the biggest heart I have ever seen and had I not gone through the hardships (and I mean hard!) that I had pre-Mark (in all relationships with men both dating-wise and outside that realm), I wouldn’t respect him or appreciate him the way I do today, which will grow tomorrow and so on. There was beauty in the pain I thought would destroy me years ago when I thought “I’ll never get married. No one will love me. I’m not good enough.” Blah, blah, blah. So, for now, ma’ single sista’s, I leave you with these questions to ask yourself, along with some homework.

·         What can I do now to better equip myself as a help meet for my future husband? ( check out Proverbs 31:10-31)
o   Write a list! Examine yourself. Take it seriously and work at making that list a reality.

·         What are the traits of a Godly husband that I desire? ( check out 1 Peter 3:8-17)
o   Write a list! State the obvious (Man of strong faith, kind, patient, responsible, pure, etc.) and the not-so-obvious traits (good cook, likes watching movies, fashionable, likes to travel, etc.) you would like which makes you a distinct woman with your own likes and dislikes. Remember that over time this list is subject to change (I married a blond man when I always dreamed of brown hair) and feel free to explain in detail to yourself some of those traits!


·         I’ve made my share of mistakes with guys in the past. What can I learn from them? How can I prevent those same mistakes with the next man in my life?(check out my favorite passage, found during testing times, 1 Peter 5:8-11)
o   Ask the Lord for forgiveness and write a plan of attack if and when sin tries to enter into your next relationship and present it before yourself and significant other when the time is right. That might be as soon as you decided to date each other or that might be when you start to become more physically comfortable. Be honest! Set rules. Create boundaries.


·         I’m single right now and while I might wish otherwise, I have more “free time” to myself so why not pick up a new hobby; why not find something positive to do! What is something I’ve always wanted to learn? Where have I always wanted to go? (check out Ecclesiastes 11:9)
o   Do it! Follow through! If anything, you learn a few new things and get your mind off of yourself.Find something positive to focus on that you might uplift your life and grow in the Lord, full of rejoicing and happiness.


·         Dating is practice for marriage and in marriage, a wife is to submit to her husband in love. Since I don’t have a husband yet or a boyfriend to practice this trait with, how is my relationship with my earthly father in practice of authority and most importantly, with my heavenly Father? Am I submitting to either’s guidance? How do I generally respect the men in my life? (check out Ephesians 5:21)
o   How you treat, respond to and respect your father, brother and even close male friends all taps in to how you will treat your husband after the “bubblies,” “butterflies,” and “gigglies” wear off and you’re both used to each other. Spend this time as great practice for equipping yourself as a woman who upholds, encourages and loves a man to be all he can in the Lord.


·         Pray for your future husband. (check out Colossians 1:3-8)
o   There is no better way to start supporting and loving him than before the two of you ever meet. Besides, he might be going through all the same emotions you might be at this exact time too!

 Above all else, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
There are so many other things to nibble on, but I have found these to be some of the most applicable in my life. Let me know what you think and Lord willing, these will help you get started in utilizing your singlehood to mold you more into the wife you desire in the Lord to be.

Hang in there, sisters.

Bethany

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Mama Bear: Gimme peace!




**For the record, I'm not as mad as I sound. Just sad at how harsh the world can be. Also, any woman who is trying to stay in shape before, during and after her pregnancy - I salute you! Teach me your ways of health! With that being said, I give you...a rant.**