Honored.

Some people say they're lucky to be with their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. The way I see it has nothing to do with luck. From the beginning of mine and Mark's lives, I see a Divine plan to join us together after 22 years of individual experiences and a blossoming friendship over a few of those years. And in the course of it all, how blessed I have been since our marriage, I cannot bring myself to leave it to "luck" or chance or whatever for this gift of a wonderful husband, brother and friend. His presence in my life is too much of a beautiful series to ignore the Artist.

I guess what I am trying to blurt out here is that I'm not lucky. I am honored. I am honored to be Mark's wife and honored to be carrying his son. I cannot descrbe in all the writings I could muster up as to how wonderful and honest of a man of faith he is and how the Lord used him to save and change my life. But if you at all get a sense of it through my blog, I hope it is quite tangible.

I am honored to be his wife.

Love.

The longer I'm married, the more I'm realizing just how little I know about love.

...and I don't mean this to imply that I married the wrong man, got married too young, or am too overwhelmed with what's going on in my life; I disagree with all of those. What I'm simply saying is that to me, marriage is like a fascinating specimen. I'm constantly learning so much about myself, Mark, our incredible God and even just basic day-to-day human relationships on such a more detailed level that I couldn't have possibly achieved as the person I was previously as a single young woman (at least, the woman I was). It's just...different.

Obviously, love is more complex to me than ever before for a lot of reasons. But it's jaw-dropping how intricately designed it is, how many different avenues one could take to explore it (both positive and negatively) and how at the end of the day, it will always seem to lack something if the Lord isn't the forefront example of it's essence in one's life.

I could go on for days about love, and definitely want to write more about it later....but for right now, I'm just analyzing. Just processing and rough-drafting in my mind. And honestly, it's exciting how "little" I know about it because that only means I have so much more love to learn about and so much more love yet to give.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

"Are you a wife that's easy to love?"

NOTE: THIS IS A COPIED BLOG ENTRY for the sole purpose of those who aren't too savvy with redirecting to other links (as I have learned is that case with some of my viewers having trouble and that's okay! I'll do whatever I can to help you along!) I didnt write this particular blog entry, but was incredibly moved and encouraged by it through the writings of Jolene Engle. It's a great read and you can find the original author/blog here. Enjoy!

**************



There was a simple reason why I married my man.  I did so because I loved him and I felt his love towards me.  I don’t think I’m alone in this because I believe this is the same reason why most brides married their husbands.  We didn’t say ‘yes’ to our man because we wanted to go through life feeling discouraged or rejected by them.  We said ‘yes’ because they made us feel treasured.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As wives, we need to feel cherished by our husbands but sometimes in our marital relationship the love extended by our husbands towards us can sometimes lessen or fade away.  This can happen for a number of reasons:

1)  The newness of the marital relationship has worn off and our husbands don’t know how to show us love when those warm, fuzzy feelings have diminished.
2)  They are consumed by other pursuits therefore their focus is elsewhere. They are either busy or they don’t think there’s a need to give their wife the love she needs.  In a husband’s mind, he thinks everything is fine in the marriage.
3)  The man doesn’t care to love his wife, all he cares about is himself.
4)  As wives, we can make it difficult for our men to love us because our actions and attitudes are, well… unlovable.

Being that we are known sinners, our husbands have a tall order to fill according to the Scriptures:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.  Ephesians 5:25

I personally believe this is an insurmountable task, especially for some husbands who dwell with a contentious wife.  As a woman, I honestly think we got the easier command to just submit and respect our men!

So I ask you this question.

Do you make it easy for your husband to love you?

Of course we’re not perfect and we’re going to fall short, but over all in your marriage would you say that your countenance towards your man makes him scream,

“I can’t help but love this woman?”

Since love is an action, here are some ways you can help foster that love connection in your marriage…

Give your husband respect, (whether he deserves it or not). 

Follow his leadership and submit to him.

Offer to help him.

Make eye contact when he’s speaking to you.

Be trustworthy and honorable.

Ask him how he feels respected by you and then bless him by doing it.

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33

Watch your words.

Make sure they are uplifting and encouraging.  One of the reasons why our men probably married us was because they thought we were kind and sweet.   I know my man didn’t stand at the end of the wedding aisle waiting for me to say ‘I do’ to him so I could spew venom on him for the rest of his life!

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  Proverbs 16:24
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.  Proverbs 31:26

Have a cheerful heart.

Work on your attitude so your husband will want to come home to you.  No one enjoys being around a person who is constantly complaining and grumbling.

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.  Proverbs 15:13 And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD; It shall rejoice in His salvation.  Psalm 35:9

Let things go.

Don’t hold a grudge.  When we do that, we communicate to our husbands that we think they’ve screwed up and we no longer respect them.  This type of action and attitude hurts men deeply so don’t be surprised if your man pulls away from you.  The bitterness in your heart will rob you of the love you desire.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  Ephesians 4:31

Continue to become more like Jesus Christ.  

As we grow in Godly character, this will naturally spill over into our marital relationship.  Of course, becoming more like Jesus doesn’t just happen overnight.  It takes time, dying to self, and complete devotion to following Him.

“He must increase, but I must decrease.  John 3:30

Now keep this in mind…  As wives, if we have a desire to please the Lord, the natural by-product of this is that we will constantly be seeking to respect and subm

"Most Richly Blessed"

Heard this prayer shared during a sermon today on the radio concerning the will of God for His peoples' lives, focusing on the fact that sometimes our most fervent prayers are answered with a "no," such as the case with David desiring to build a huge structure for the Lord. God told him no as it was to be done by his son, Solomon, no matter how passionate David was of his dream to honor the Lord in that way.
Anyways, here's the prayer. Loved it.



Most Richly Blessed
by an Unknown Civil War Veteran

Displayed in the Lobby of the Shreveport, LA Veterans Hospital
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do great things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might become wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given Life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers and true needs were fulfilled.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

...more than his own wife.

I love being married to a man that loves God more than me, his own wife.

For the last almost six months of our almost 9 months of marriage, I’ve been pregnant (there's a blog for that one, too. Check it out here). And while it hasn’t been a horrible experience as far as mood swings, cravings, etc., I’ve definitely had those days where everything seems to be going wrong or I’m out of control and I just want to break down in tears. Sometimes I do while during others I’ve just been so frustrated and stubborn that I don’t even talk (and that’s a lot for me). I just sort of go along with the rest of the day. I’m thankful that this pregnancy hasn’t been a nightmare, but I wish I wasn’t more sensitive of a person lately than I already am. It’s exhausting! 

With that being said, I’m a handful and even more of one now than ever. And while I’m a handful, having a husband who puts the Lord first has taught me how to cope with the stresses of life and the struggles of the flesh consistently throughout the course of our marriage and for years down the road. Every day I am learning.  You see, I’ve been incredibly blessed to marry a man who puts God before me…most definitely. Mark doesn’t ignore me or put me down with some sort of Christian lingo as if he were better than I or was “closer with the Lord” nor does he look at me and say “your relationship with Christ is your own business. I won’t judge you and help you; I’ll leave that to God,” but he treats me in a way that shows love and discipline in accordance to how I need both to be experienced as a unique individual.

Honestly, I’ve got a personality that can be sassy, whiney and stubborn (I know, I know, innocent little me). The list goes on. When I’m hurt, I shut down. I’m easily walked over (people – pleaser) and hold on to heartache. But by striving to put the Lord first in our marriage above either one of our own desires, Mark doesn’t always run to me immediately and ask, “What is wrong?? What can I do?” proceeding to bend over backwards at my beck and call, spoiling me and letting me get away with anything I want because I’m his “princess” and he “wants me to be happy.” No, he strives to seek wisdom from the Lord first, so that his words may be edified by the One who gave him the ability to speak in the first place.

Husbands are called to love their wives as wives are called to respect their husbands.  In diving into Love & Respect again, I revisited the notion of how this all works out for a happy and pure marriage. For example, imagine your boss being someone who doesn’t always “stick to protocol”, lets you get away with being late and lazy all the time, doesn’t give you occasional praise for your hard efforts, etc., and lets you walk all over him. Would you respect this kind of a man? Would you work hard to show that you care about his opinions of you? Of course not and neither would the rest of his employees! This type of a boss isn’t a leader; he sets no standard for his team. He doesn’t care about his company or higher authority. Now here’s another example. Imagine your boss as someone who works hard, gives you kind constructive criticism to keep you striving to do your best, shoots up a high-five after a job well done and keeps everything organized/running smoothly. Would you respect him? Yes! This guy obviously cares about the environment he works in and we all know that at the end of the day, it’s what the corporation has to say about him that is the most important to him.

Let’s review.

There are so many little mirrors of man’s relationship to God in society, whether or not they are positive or negative (honoring vs. dishonoring). Focusing on marriage, a Christian marriage should be similar to the second example. The husband is the boss and the corporation is God. If a husband strives to be honorable in the eyes of the Lord, and out of gratitude for his salvation he desires to gives thanks by being honorable to his Father in heaven, his marriage is going to be his pride and joy. He is going to work hard for his family, cultivating it the way it should go as ordained by the Lord. He will lead his family to Christian goals by disciplining them. Remember though that discipline doesn't always mean "no" but it does always mean laying out a blueprint for righteousness. That includes (both for husband and wife) things such as working out a budget, taking time to understand one’s spouse, fulfilling each other’s needs in appropriate ways, practicing self-control, etc. When a husband shows himself to be honorable, kind, forgiving – he loves his wife by these actions and fulfills her emotional and security needs. She, in turn, is able to respect and trust him to protect and provide for the family as a whole. (The wife also has her own duties. More on that in another lecture blog.)

I’m my own person, one of two in this union. Together we are one buuuut that doesn’t mean our personalities are the same and our interests match to a “t”; we can clash! What is does mean though is that we have a duty towards each other no matter how different our personal attributes are.   From my experience, I’ve seen myself grow in these last few months both spiritually and emotionally. I’ve seen Mark push me because the Lord has been pushing him to be a better servant. I’ve watched myself evolve emotionally because my husband didn’t let me get the best of me; he doesn’t let me feel sorry for myself, but builds me up modestly. He doesn’t fall apart when I do. Spiritually, I’m able to constantly follow my husband by his example in understanding what it really means to take my faith seriously, while understanding that Mark (no matter how wonderful I think he is) does have his own struggles and shortcomings and needs support just as much as I do. By his example, I’m learning how to reciprocate that. When I’m struggling, Mark seeks guidance from the Lord first so he can help me with wisdom that surpasses what he alone can create. He shows me love by his genuine acts of care for my spiritual well-being, both of ours being the foundations (whether strong or weak) of our marriage. Because of this, I look up to him as my leader, brother, and friend. I trust his decisions (whether or not at the time I agree 100% because we are two unique beings with differing opinions but somehow I’ve always come around sooner or later). I trust him with my life, my heart, our son – and it makes it easier for me to trust the Lord first, simply from seeing the fruits of the Spirit thriving in my own spouse’s life, the now first and foremost man figure of God in my own. If turning your wife or husband closer to the Lord isn’t the most important goal in a marriage relationship, I don’t know what is.

When Mark and I first started getting to know each other, his faith bothered me at times. He was that guy that would stop in the middle of anything to pray, would cause us to run late because his devotions ran longer than expected, he was always mentioning God in conversation – as much as I personally love the Lord, his love of the Lord convicted me and made me uncomfortable (for good reason) as his walk wasn’t as “at my own convenience” as mine was; mine was easier, lazier. You see, he had genuinely made God his authority long before I did and while it bothered me because it was more than I was used to in my own life…it intrigued me. It encouraged me. It attracted and convicted me. Little by little, I became more accustomed to remembering to pray before my food in public, how to witness in conversation to the everyday stranger and (what I’m currently working on) how to read the Word of God purposefully with rejoicing free of guilt. 4 years later, I’ve got a husband who has completely been used by the Lord to redefine what I understand to be “walking by faith.”

I love Mark with all that I am. There are days when I sit back and just watch him be “Mark” and my heart is warmed by all his quirks and signature traits. But I will be honest with you: it is easy for me to love him more than the Lord at times. I can always tell when I’m “too far over the edge” in that respect because I begin to become more easily hurt, irritated, or confused with actions of his that simply conflict with my own (more than normal) because I have become too sensitive to him before the Lord in that time. I begin to allow my emotional and spiritual well-being to be focused on full satisfaction by him, pushing out what needs to be fulfilled by the Lord first and in that, I will forever find failure; our spouses cannot be our idols. Man cannot replace God. It is something that I, especially as a woman, will always need to work at because as a more emotional being, I need to control where I find (first and foremost) security which is, of course, to be of God. But in the midst of this confusion when I find myself off track causing more friction in our marriage because of my idolization of my husband, the Lord guides Mark to help me in this weakness by guiding his example of loving God first.

It’s a beautiful thing, this journey of marriage. It’s incredible what I’m learning every single day. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, sometimes it’s too revealing, but it’s always refining for my faith. And at the end of the day, no matter what cute and cuddly little joy I find in these earthly gifts, it’s always the greatest joy to be in love with a man who loves a God even more than his own wife.

All the single ladies!

To all the single ladies desiring a Godly man.

Disclaimer: If you are desiring a man to make yourself feel better or because you are alone, that is the exact opposite of what you need and will only lead to failure. At the end of the day, it's important to desire to be his helper, his encourager and his friend. He isn't supposed to be your pleasure puppy. Remember…

“ A woman’s heart should be so lost in God (first!), that a man must seek Him to find her.”

While I have been starting and restarting over and over a blog entry directed towards YOU gals, it always seems to fail me. It doesn’t seem to touch my heart the way I would have wanted it to if I were to have written to myself the same blog when I was single. So for now, I just want to say this: If you are single “and ready to mingle” with the hope of finding a husband in the end, don’t stress yourself out. Some women go through a lot of “bad eggs” before God brings the right one into their life. Sometimes, it’s the first guy you date.

 For Mark, I was his first girlfriend which makes me feel extremely special. He learned a lot and sometimes I felt like the guinea pig, but it’s such a blessing to know I was and will always be the only girl he ever loved. My story is different though as he wasn’t my first boyfriend (but the only man I ever truly loved, thanks be to God!). And while in a way, I wish our stories to be the same, mine comes with a unique twist. My husband is a very unique young man; he is extremely special. He has the biggest heart I have ever seen and had I not gone through the hardships (and I mean hard!) that I had pre-Mark (in all relationships with men both dating-wise and outside that realm), I wouldn’t respect him or appreciate him the way I do today, which will grow tomorrow and so on. There was beauty in the pain I thought would destroy me years ago when I thought “I’ll never get married. No one will love me. I’m not good enough.” Blah, blah, blah. So, for now, ma’ single sista’s, I leave you with these questions to ask yourself, along with some homework.

·         What can I do now to better equip myself as a help meet for my future husband? ( check out Proverbs 31:10-31)

o   Write a list! Examine yourself. Take it seriously and work at making that list a reality.

·         What are the traits of a Godly husband that I desire? ( check out 1 Peter 3:8-17)

o   Write a list! State the obvious (Man of strong faith, kind, patient, responsible, pure, etc.) and the not-so-obvious traits (good cook, likes watching movies, fashionable, likes to travel, etc.) you would like which makes you a distinct woman with your own likes and dislikes. Remember that over time this list is subject to change (I married a blond man when I always dreamed of brown hair) and feel free to explain in detail to yourself some of those traits!

·         I’ve made my share of mistakes with guys in the past. What can I learn from them? How can I prevent those same mistakes with the next man in my life?(check out my favorite passage, found during testing times, 1 Peter 5:8-11)

o   Ask the Lord for forgiveness and write a plan of attack if and when sin tries to enter into your next relationship and present it before yourself and significant other when the time is right. That might be as soon as you decided to date each other or that might be when you start to become more physically comfortable. Be honest! Set rules. Create boundaries.

·         I’m single right now and while I might wish otherwise, I have more “free time” to myself so why not pick up a new hobby; why not find something positive to do! What is something I’ve always wanted to learn? Where have I always wanted to go? (check out Ecclesiastes 11:9)

o   Do it! Follow through! If anything, you learn a few new things and get your mind off of yourself.Find something positive to focus on that you might uplift your life and grow in the Lord, full of rejoicing and happiness.

·         Dating is practice for marriage and in marriage, a wife is to submit to her husband in love. Since I don’t have a husband yet or a boyfriend to practice this trait with, how is my relationship with my earthly father in practice of authority and most importantly, with my heavenly Father? Am I submitting to either’s guidance? How do I generally respect the men in my life? (check out Ephesians 5:21)

o   How you treat, respond to and respect your father, brother and even close male friends all taps in to how you will treat your husband after the “bubblies,” “butterflies,” and “gigglies” wear off and you’re both used to each other. Spend this time as great practice for equipping yourself as a woman who upholds, encourages and loves a man to be all he can in the Lord.

·         Pray for your future husband. (check out Colossians 1:3-8)

o   There is no better way to start supporting and loving him than before the two of you ever meet. Besides, he might be going through all the same emotions you might be at this exact time too!

 Above all else, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

There are so many other things to nibble on, but I have found these to be some of the most applicable in my life. Let me know what you think and Lord willing, these will help you get started in utilizing your singlehood to mold you more into the wife you desire in the Lord to be.

Hang in there, sisters.

Bethany ♥

Mama Bear: Gimme peace!

**For the record, I'm not as mad as I sound. Just sad at how harsh the world can be. Also, any woman who is trying to stay in shape before, during and after her pregnancy - I salute you! Teach me your ways of health! With that being said, I give you...a rant.**

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

Hello, Love. We can't wait to meet you. ♥

Simple beauty.

A simply beauty of marriage is this: When there are those around you who are angered at you and do not understand, perhaps even some of your closest friends, your spouse is there with you, praying, encouraging and listening. He'll listen to you jump from pro to con even past the point of his own exhaustion. He'll encourage you when you probably seem un-encourageable. He'll even lull you to sleep in his arms while your words are silent but frustration rains down your cheeks and onto his arms. A simple beauty of marriage is that you are never alone.

Can't do that!

Contrary to popular belief, having a Godly, loving, positive husband whom I married at a young age drives me to do better, not cause my life to go into some instant chaos, interrupting my previously lived single life. We prepared ourselves. We got premarital counseling. We read/are reading books together. We got advice. We prayed for guidance. We prepared for marriage as best we could and realistically altered our expectations. It's sad that so many people assumed the first 3 months of marriage would be awful, to lighten their actual words. If you go into something thinking you will fail...you will. Can't do that!

Food for thought.

Truth is, these first three months have been a lot easier than people told us they would be considering we were both full-time students with part time jobs and to some, even the fact that we didn't live together before we got married would make it "awful in the beginning" (which, I thought was a horrible way to approach marriage for a number of later-to-be-discussed-reasons).

Truth be told: if you go into something thinking you will fail....you will. Eliminate the negative. Work and pray hard for the positive. 

We only have 3 months under our belts, yes, but every tool we've used to overcome the hurdles we've already faced won't change over time. The problems just might be bigger.

*

But

God

 is even 

bigger

 than those.




 "I can do all things through 
Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

"50 Cents A Piece"

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." Proverbs 17:22

Just a moment please.

I don't believe in luck, but I do belive in Providence. And Providence gave me the most wonderful husband.

He is so darn cute.

Thank You, Lord.

Where's Your Identity? Who's Your Beholder?

Here's one of my most cherished blog posts from a few years ago. I thought it was perfect for this site.

 

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Titus 2:3-5
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

 

I'm nineteen years old. For the past three years, I've fought a hard battle between accepting who I am in the eyes of the Lord and who I am when I look in the mirror - what I think other people see. I'm no perfect size 3. My face has acne. My hair is frizzy and unlike all my friends around me - it's not smooth, elegant and "typical." I could go on and on about how much I stand out - I could go on and on about all the little things about me that get under my skin. I could go one forever about why I don't feel beautiful. But that's not what I'm here for.

Today I went to the annual Ladies Tea hosted by a church in Yuba City. Every year, friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, aunts and nieces gather for food and fellowship simply to bless one another with the love of Christ as we're all joined as His body. But this year, it was different for me. I saw things I'd seen before, but never really saw. I beheld, through my eyes and heart, older women who, like an adult before their own parents, reverenced themselves just like the children they were of their Father. These were women who have lived most of their lives, made their mistakes and yet still cling to the faithfulness and promises of their Savior.

There are many different types of women. There are quiet, loud, feminine, sporty - and all of these mixed up together per individual as well. But I've learned that no matter what type of woman one may be, her love and drive for the Gospel always brings her back to humiliation and submission to the One she serves. It is a passion that could bring even the rowdiest tomboy to her knees or the quietest, most hushed and coldest woman to a trickling of the softest whispers.

Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I've met young men that think me anything BUT attractive and others who think the world of me and likewise girls who view me the same as well on both sides. It's all subjective - looks and attraction (a hard lesson learned). But when I gazed upon the women of faith that surrounded me, women who taught me more in those couple of hours than those before them have in years of friendship, I saw more beauty in that fellowship hall than ever could be described because the beauty I saw started in their hearts and crept up to their smiles and burst out with a glimmer of kindness in their eyes. They truly became physically beautiful to me and I admired their dedication to Christ and His bride.

So what am I getting at here? I'll break it down nice and easy. Life is about relationships. We're humans destined to fall in love and some - to even marry and populate the earth. It's where I am currently in life that makes "being attractive" difficult because it's typical to dwell on all my mental and physical flaws. But at the end of the day, it's not how someone looks. It's not the car they drive or "the ice around their necks." It's about where their heart is and where they find their true happiness.  I pray that I continue to walk with the Lord so that one day I too may fully grasp how beautiful I am in His sight leading a legacy for those in my footsteps and that YOU as well might soldier on confidently for the Kingdom.

---

Proverbs 31:30

  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

"...From heavn' He came and sought her
 to be His holy bride.
And with His blood He bought her
 and for her life he died."

-A snippet from my favorite hymn, The Church's One Foundation

You insult yourself - you insult his wife. A confession from the editor.

I created this blog to share the truths - the truths of marriage. Not every marriage is the same. Each is unique while all holding the same basic principals for success. But what a lot of young women I have spoken with seem to think is that after you get married, it becomes about you and Mr. Perfect. All the other "stuff" before just goes away and you start your "new" life together. Even I was a little bit under this spell, as I think most brides are a little bit entitled to some fairytale drama during the emotion-packed engagement process, I knew from the beginning that my story, my life, would bring enough baggage to deal with thoughout my marriage. Truth is, nothing is really new when a man and woman join together. Lord willing, the two of you are virgins and it's the first time you've both lived together (and all which that entails...). If not, there is forgiveness in that - easily. But I digress. Really, there isn't anything different and if there IS ----- someone was hiding something and that something wasn't discussed in marital counseling (preparation for hashing out all the kinks before you seal the deal). But sometimes, no matter how much "hashing out" we do, there's always that part of us, our greatest sins/burdens, that gets out of the way when we need to deal with them the most (repressed to the farthest crevices in our minds as if it never happened) and  in the way when circumstances need nothing more than such a precise, cumbersome pile of garbage on top of everything else, inhibiting progress.

Recently, I did my "big chop." I cut off 4-6 inches of dry, brittle hair and am attempting to rock a short do. The plan is that it doesn't stay this way very long but gives my hair a chance to revive itself. Mark handed me the scissors (since I don't trust anyone around here to do it for me...I'm a half black girl in a Dutch community) and with all the support possible, he encouraged me to "be who I want to be" with my hair and Nike-it-up. "Just do it," he said as I wandered pathetically around the apartment weighing every single pro and con pre - the big chop. Now, here I am with a bare neck and fluffy little fro partially regretting my decision. He says he likes it, but he'd also like it if I was bald and had moles all over because, you see, my husband loves me for who God created me to be, not how I look. But for me, that can be frustrating.

It's not that Mark doesn't appreciate my physical attributes. In fact, he quite fancies them. (Woohoo!) But my husband's head is screwed on so straight that it is impossible for him to stoop down to my socially-blemished-and -illogical-mentality to criticize me for every flaw I have, which I too often torture myself with. He doesn't see the acne scars on my skin, the bloating in my stomach from some delicious soup or the way my haircut, in my mind, distorts my body proportion, etc.When I try to explain  exploit my flaws for some strange reason, he stares at me like I'm speaking a different language. But, after letting me spill all my self-insulting and destructive criticism, he softly walks over to me, wraps his arms around me and tells me I'm beautiful. Half the time he stops me in my tracks. He reminds me that of all people, his is the opinion that should matter the most, not someone outside our marriage (rude coworker, half-hearted friend, the media, etc.). He then reminds me that on top of THAT, my opinion of myself is what matters most. He then ends with reminding me that who I am in the Lord Jesus Christ, who God the Father created me to be and how I view these things is, and forever will be, the number one thing I should be concerned about.

If you know anything about me, you might not know that for the last 7 years of my life, I have battled eating disorders of all types all across the board. The tail-end of 2008 and beginning of 2009, I was consuming no more than around 400-700 calories a day and was "light as a feather, thin as a rail." I was lifeless. I was dull. I was hurting and my personality had died. Back up a couples years earlier and I was a high school student struggling to keep her food down, constantly pondering her next binge and purge like it was some high school crush that had been dramatically burned into my brain. To top it all off, I found myself in a relationship where an important person in my life spent more time talking to me about my body (both pros and cons) and taking advantage of my poor state of mind that I completely lost who I was and in 2009 - I felt dead; alone. I was burned out.  That's when the Lord brought Mark into my life (again).

Over time, the Lord has used him to help me control myself and any negative feedback I voluntarily concoct or chew. Counseling and breaking ties with those who've taken advantage of me helped  but ultimately it's a lifelong process. When I married Mark, these issues I'd dealt with long before he re-entered my life didn't just go away, but rather, I am continuing to learn how to handle them through the support of my husband and strength of my Savior.While it is proving to be no easy task, it is much better to soldier on with a teammate (and even better - one in the Lord!) than to struggle alone. 

While Mark and I were dating, I came across a Christian article focusing on things that men wished women knew in terms of relationships and "what guys think." I don't remember anything else except one gentleman's response which was along the lines of the following: "I wish that married women understood that when they look in the mirror and criticize themselves, the are also criticizing their husband's wife. They bring another person into their marriage who bashes the treasure of a man - the most valuable treasure. A husband and wife belong to each other. We are one. If you, the woman, insult yourself - you insult his wife and you also insult his taste in women - his decisions, ultimately insulting him for choosing you. No husband wants his woman to be ridiculed" (or his confidence insulted).

That stuck with me for awhile and I instantly relayed the article to Mark, appreciating the commentary. Sure enough, he has repeated that to me time and time again when I fall into those "woe is me" moments when I get hung up on what society/fashion says I should look like, do, be - whatever, instead of going back to the Word of God for my identity which isn't flawed, but it is perfect in the eyes of the Lord. It still is important to be healthy and dress myself well/appropriately, but the obsession has to stop. It isn't fitting for me, it isn't fitting for marriage and it isn't fitting for a daughter of the King.

1 Peter 2:9 says, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness in to His wonderful light." Did you hear that? Ladies! We are chosen! Royal! Holy! We mustn't dwell on the physical. In His sight, under the shed blood of Christ, we are beautiful because we are blemish free. Our sins are washed away. In it's place, we are "a people belonging to God."

If that doesn't make you want to throw those skinny jeans out the door and fall to your knees in adoration ------ I don't know what else will. Love yourself! Let your man love you - do not withhold yourself from him because you don't feel "beautiful enough"! KNOW that your Saviour loves you. Amen? Amen!

A horrible marriage...or a horrible mindset?

"A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." - 1 Corinthians 7:39

I attend a junior college. Now, while at any college, there are those were married and are now divorced, those who are living with someone and those who perhaps are married but are cheating on their spouse, just because a college institution is considered "Christian" does NOT mean that it is free from humanity's shortcomings and temptations. With that being said though, there is, at least in most cases, more of a pull to be monogamous and abstinent in a Christian environment as opposed to a non-Christian environment and with that being said...I attend a school where promiscuity and divorce is a shug-off-your-shoulders situation. "It happens," people say, as if it's okay to break a lifelong promise.

It was during my anatomy course this morning when a bunch of women began, as we women so easily do, chatting about the various facets of life. While the other half of the class worked on a project and I sat alone studying, the group behind me carried on like a flocks of excited birds in a field. The conversation got more lively when the homework load for this particular class was mentioned. That led to all the women who had children and needed to find babysitters for when they were in school. Two of these women are married. One is not. One doesn't have a child, but has a boyfriend and one is divorced.

As the five women went on complaining about how busy their lives were with children and school, soon enough they began to complain about their husbands (rule #1) to each other like it was nothing. I got to know more about these men more than I would have liked, out respect for their privacy, but even sooner did one of the younger ladies say, "I'm NEVER getting married." The other, a similar age, shot a look of surprise at her saying, "Aren't you engaged?" as she looked down at the first woman's ring. "It's a promise ring."

Another woman piped up saying, "Don't. It's horrible. I wish I never had." Meanwhile, I was distracted by my own instructor in her own conversation with our class' interpreter for the deaf, saying how she and her husband "are just two people living in the same house" and sharing how they "don't even talk to each other anymore," splitting their money between themselves, etc. Well, that was it. I was so overwhelmed with heartache for these women (and quite insulted at the lack of respect for marriage), that I felt compelled to ask questions.

"You said to not get married - that it's so horrible...?" I said looking at my classmate. "Oh yeah," while another nodded along with her who replied, "I agree. Don't do it. It's awful." The one whom I asked continued saying, "It was much better before we got married. Living together was so much nicer. Things change over time and that...that energy just dies."

Things change over time? PEOPLE change over time! I thought to myself. Of course they do! So change with 'em! But what do I know. I've only been married for just under two months, right?

Another woman jumped in. "I was married for 27 years before my husband cheated on me for some little thing 16 years younger than him. I didn't suspect it - no one did. Our marriage was great. At least, I thought so. Then out of the blue, he cheated. I told him he could have me or her and soon we were done. But...I wouldn't trade those 27 years for anything and would do it over again if I could."

The group was silenced for a moment. 27 years blew them all away. Why? Why would spending 27 years of marriage our of a lifetime blow anyone away when saying your vows upon your wedding day includes 'til death do us part? That means forever, does it not? It wasn't long before the other ladies began ragging on men, marriage, etc., again and I tuned out. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt as if I was staring at a bunch of people who had no desire to get better, just complain and be content in that. More importantly, I felt as if the most beautiful part of my life was being mocked.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. Bethany, you don't know their story. Do not assume things! Just because people get married, doesn't mean it will last and sometimes when it does, it shouldn't. Men can be abusive. Women can cheat. People hide things until they are locked into "forever." You're only 21! What could you possibly understand? What experience have YOU?

Friends. Readers. Whoever you are. I do not look at one who is married and hates it or one who is divorced or one who cheats (because they feel they aren't getting what they need from their spouse, sexually/emotionally) as if they are wrong and I as if I hold all the answers. But let me ask you this: When a person decides and follows through with becoming married, are they not bound to that person, in covenant, for life (within reason. There are legitimate reasons for divorce such as unrepentant infidelity, abuse of the physical, sexual, financial, etc.)? And if their marriage is in the pits, what good is it to complain - and for that matter, to others (other than some form of a counselor in which they seek guidance)? Which one of these women acknowledge that, yes, their marriage was going through a rough patch but she is or is going to seek help to do whatever she could in her power to save it? Which one of these women advised the rest of us to take the choice of marital commitment with all precautions? None of them.

Marriage is not a game. It is not an opportunity to get together with someone and roll dice floating through "whatever happens" with the possibility of it just "not working out." When two people come together, they bring separate lives filled with different ideas, baggage,  approaches, expectations - the list goes on. But this is to be expected, seeing as we are humans each unique from the other, creating a beautiful population on this earth, though we are flawed. On the contrary, when we step out from within ourselves, our ideas, our predispositions and biases and we go back (or perhaps for the first time!) into the Word of God for a FRESH look at life, love, marriage - our hearts and our minds are drawn back to the original truths ordained by God in the garden of Eden, where our sovereign Lord joined together Adam and Eve.  We are taken back to when Christ gave Himself for His bride - us, the Church! You think that relationship wasn't without pain? Christ Himself felt the weight of our sins, that He might make us pure in our Father's sight. He was nailed to the cross and hung there, blasphemed, for us! But He didn't give up. If that isn't true love and the perfect model of marriage, I don't know what is.

I know this has been long, but my heart aches for today's ideas on marriage, on love, sex - everything that binds the soul for eternity. I wish I could wrap my arms around all those who are hurting in these areas, but I am flawed and the holes of my heart would not cover the raindrops of the world onto it's victims. They would still get burned. I just want people to understand that when you enter marriage, you cannot consider divorce as a way out straight from the beginning. You cannot take it so lightly. And you cannot lie to yourself about love.